I would like to start this topic with a question: “Is it possible for somebody to live in absolute loneliness?” I do not believe this is something that can happen.
Even people who enjoy being alone sometimes will need companionship in some stage of their life. I consider myself one of those people who love silence and being alone, but those moments are my choice. When I have had enough of solitude, I love to have people around me again.
It is proven that loneliness can kill. “There is a biological basis for our need to form human relationships” (Lynch, 1979). I think that for a person to grow up mentally and physically healthy, it is necessary for that person to have good quality relationships with other people.
However, if relationships are extremely important for adults, imagine how important relationships are for a child who is defenceless and dependent.
It is very important for a child to feel secure and to live in a peaceful environment among adults. These adults might be their parents and whānau, caregivers, relatives or teachers.
I know that normally it is very scary for an adult to enter a new course, new workplace, or new relationship. I would always like to remember, consider, and understand how hard it is for a child to come for their first time to a centre. I can “see” that it is very important to make them feel protected, comforted, and safe. Children learn through responsive and reciprocal relationships with people, places, and things (Ministry of Education [MOE], 1996, p. 43).
When children feel secure they can start to learn. This sounds very obvious, but it is the first time that I have understood this important idea. It is the same for adults as it is for children. Children will start to learn when they feel happy. Feeling happy, they will play. Play is one of the ways that children learn (Dockett & Fleer, 2003). While they are experiencing they are learning. However, when children start to discover that they can decide what they want to do, they are building their self-confidence.
Children need social interaction to build their social skills. Co-operative aspirations, ventures, and achievements should be valued. We need to provide encouragement, warmth, and acceptance (MOE, 1996, p. 43). Now we know that relationships are important, but how can we build relationships with children? This is another magical point for me: “Relationships are built through communication”. We need to use positive and effective communication. We should pay attention to facial expressions, sounds, body posture and tension, hugs, and touches. Respectful communication conveys to children that you value their feelings and thoughts and that you trust their capacity to learn (Feeney, Christensen, & Moravcik, 2006, p. 263). There are some communication strategies too. Here are some of these strategies that I wish to remember to use:
1- Interact with the children. Worthwhile relationships are built on shared interests and
experiences.
2- Give the children plenty of time and opportunities to talk. Adults think that they
have to talk all the time. Listening is important too. (There is an example in
Feeney, Christensen, & Moravcik, 2006, p. 263 about effective listening
that broke my heart. Please if you have not read it yet, I recommend you do so).
3- Speak with the children using a sincere and respectful way of speaking. Speak with
sincerity and do not interrupt when children are talking.
4- Avoid using the same words and phases over and over. Tell the children what you mean.
Taking time to use non repetitive language is one way to ensure that you are
communicating with children in a meaningful manner.
* Adapted from Feeney, Christensen, & Moravcik, 2006, p. 263.
Perhaps already I knew all about these strategies, but now I reflect that we need to consider children’s feelings. Sometimes adults think that children will not “notice” or “understand” but it is not true. Yes, they notice, understand, feel, and perceive things as we adults do.
The importance of relationships really amazes me. I have learned a lot about this subject. I will pay attention and be more careful when I talk with my own child and the children at my centre. I will also apply these strategies with adults.
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